I ♥ my cane

Today after watching Katie navigate Bellamy with little difficulty I was excited for my second try at Rovetta. Since this time I would have my cane I thought for sure it was going to be easier/less scary. I don't think it went badly, but it was more challenging than I had anticipated.
The walls in that building are TERRIBLE for orientation. They twist and turn, just to come back out again, it is so confusing. (Whoever designed that building is a jerk.) I feel like I cannot rely on them to square off or give me a straight path. That's why halfway through my route I realized I walked faster with less anxiety when I did two point touch in the center of the hallway. I have to rely on my own internal compass, and because I have very little practice with doing that, it doesn't work so well. Having that gut instincutal feeling is something new to me. I have always had visual information to confirm my location in space.Without my vision I am begining to learn how to make educated guesses and how to trust my gut feelings. It is also nice to know I have 3 sighted people watching me, so even if my gut feeling is very wrong and I walk toward an open descending staircase, I know they won't let me fall.
I really enjoyed when Katie would take me back to the last point that I was oriented when I got lost. This helped me to fill in the gaps, or break the route into smaller more understandable pieces. I am thinking about too much when walking down the hall. I might not notice the stair case, or the glass panel, but taking the time to point those things out, and doing it multiple times, helped.
Also, I have never loved my cane as much as I did today. Using it in an unfamiliar environment and having to fully rely on it for information and to save me from hitting things, made me learn to trust it a lot more than I did before. I ♥ my cane!

watching people watching us

I saw some really interesting things today that I had never seen before. As soon as we walked up to the doors of Bellamy people began staring. At this point I am used to people looking at us as they walk by, or standing awkwardly in a hallway or freezing in a doorway. When the guy was opening the front door of the building for Katie, I thought he was coming out as she was trying to go in, and he was doing the uncomfortable freeze that everyone else does; but as soon as Katie walked in, he turned and went into a classroom. I was really surprised and happy that someone whould go out if their way to help a stranger.
It wasn't until someone else tried to 'help' Katie by holding the door open in the lobby that I started to realize that while help is nice, it can be disorienting and frustrating for a blind person.
I came across this issue a little bit at FSDB when working on self determination with my special needs students. Trying to find a balance between saying no to offered help, while still being polite and letting the person know you appreciate their good intentions can be tricky. This is an issue because people do not understand what we are doing, or what it would be like to navigate on unfamiliar space without vision. I think it is important to remember a time when we also would not have known what to do, and may have offered the same 'help'. I have had people tell me that they have stopped to help a blind person cross a street or ask if they needed any directions, and were met with rude angry responses. I think it is important to explain this fine line to our students; as a kind of social aspect of orientation and mobility.
Anyway....back to today...
I felt really bad for Katie when she was trying to find the bathroom. Not only did she trail over a girls hair, she was at the bathroom about 3 times before she was sure it was the bathroom. I wish she could have seen how different it was today! Unlike before the door was proped open with a mop in the doorway and a bucket full of gross mop water to the side. No wonder she got confused. I think she did really good about not giving up and focusing. The stairs were a little intense just as an observer. At one point I put my hand out and took David's cane so he could have both hands free just in case....
It was very interesting to see how Katie began making a lot of errors in her orientation at the end of the lesson. It was clear she was overwhelmed, but seemed like she was willing to go on with the lesson. I think it is important to be able to cue in on this, and not let it get to a point where a student is crying before we realize it's time to stop the lesson.
It was weird to how every time we would come back upstairs, there were about 10-15 people sitting around on the benches in the lobby, and all of them were watching. One older woman saw us and just froze. We were no where near her or in her way, but she just stopped in the middle of the lobby and stared. It is interesting to me how we as people try to hide our body language or expressions when something shocks us as to not offend anyone. Because Katie was wearing a blindfold and had her back to this lady, the woman felt free to gawk with this weird confused look on her face for over a minute. If people are like that now, when Katie obviously had 3 people watching and working with her, I can only imagine the reactions we will get in the mall when the group keeps their distance from the blindfolded person. This also makes me wonder what kind of looks blind people in general get on a daily basis in public.

It's dark and I can hear people laughing...

I really enjoyed learning two point touch today. I was nice to 'officially' learn and practice it (I had seen it enough times I tried it a few times at home before today). It is more complex than the diagonal cane technique, there was so much more to think about I felt like I didn't have enough brain power left over to try to listen to the walls. I still made it down the hallway without running into anything...until we got downstairs.
When I tried walking my route from the bathrooms to the janitors closet I don't know if I was just over confident or not really thinking about my environment, but I think I hit about 6 or 7 walls. The thing that really freaked me out were the girls in the corner of the hallway. I used their voices to help me get to that corner, so I was aware they were standing there. I don't know what I expected to happen, so I just froze. I didn't have a calm planned out reaction to this situation. When I hit the walls earlier I had prepared for that, so to me there was to reason to get upset. But when I was around those girls in the corner I shut down. I remember I actually turned back to where I thought Micky was, and making a "Ummm what the heck do I do now???" face. I was waiting for some kind of acknowledgement from the girls, like when you try to pass someone in a tight space and you make eye contact and say excuse me. I had never even imagined what I would do, so there was no reaction. I really felt like if I took just 1 more step I would kick, or headbutt, or both, some girl who had no idea I was even behind her. It was also weird to know I was so close to these people and they did not seem to move, or even skip a beat in their conversation, I could hear thm laughing! I guess it's all those non-verbal social ques that you miss out on when you can't see. I really wanted them to move so I could get to that wall and square off.
Now I know what to do, next time I will just say excuse me, and go on my way. I know this will happen more as we go into other more populated areas.

Walking Like a Granny at the Mall

I was looking forward to trying out my diagonal cane technique again today. When I first started walking out in the open area of the ground floor my echolocation was not working. I was trying so hard to listen I think I stopped paying attention to the way my hips were positioned. It was very frustrating to have my other form of information cut off. In a way, because my vision is being blocked, that echolocation/hearing ability has become my new way to feel safe and in control. When I lost that I felt anxious all over again. This makes me wonder how being outside around cars and loud noises will effect me.
Once back in my comfortable narrow hallway I felt a sense of relief. I could hear everything, I could sense the walls, and when the janitor at the end of the hallway turned on the water it was like a giant arrow pointing me in the perfect direction. However, I know these things will not always be there, and I will not always be walking to nice quiet narrow hallways.
Trailing was really difficult. I realized later I should have gone around the middle section of the ground floor the other way, so that I could still hold my cane in my right hand. My left hand/wrist is weaker, and as much as I tried to keep my cane tip in front of me, when it got caught in a brick I had a hard time pushing it out.
Stairs were a little scary at first, but ended up being a good learning experience. I actually thought going down was much easier than going up. Maybe because I had to put more effort into going up the stairs, keeping the cane in front of my body and one step ahead. Going down felt more natural and the way I held the cane felt better too. Walking from the ground floor to the top was fun. I got a little lost going from the one set of stairs to the other on the first floor. At one point while I was out in space I just asked David where we was and followed the sound of his voice. (Thanks David!)
Walking down the hallway like a "granny at the mall" was really overwhelming at first. I just felt like the faster I walked the harder I was going to hit the wall. I felt like I was practiclly running, and then Micky put his hand on my back and kept saying faster, faster! I understand how some kids would feel a little upset by that, someone just pushing you without warning while you're already overloaded with information and scared you'll crash face first into a wall. Also when I was walking fast it gave me less time to really listen to the walls and adjust, and I wasn't happy about losing that. It all came to a wonderful ending when Katie and I somehow ended up next to each other repeatedly bumped shoulders until I ran into something while trying to race her(a card swipe thing outside of a door...I think?)
It was really interesting to take off my blindfold and see Katie walk "fast". Thats when I realized why Micky kept telling us to go faster. We were not running like I felt we were, he was trying to get us to a moderate pace. Everything feels so much faster when you can't see where you are going.
I had a lot of fun today, and look forward to two point touch!

Diagonal Cane

I really enjoyed learning the diagonal cane technique. Tuesday's class was the first time I really traveled independently and while it was a little scary, it was thrilling too.
My biggest frustration came in the beginning when first learning how and where to hold the cane. For some reason my arm did not want to hold the cane out in front of me. When Micky explained that it was me trusting my arm and not the cane it made complete sense. I had gotten comfortable walking with my upper protective technique and I think I was trying to hold my cane while still using the upper technique. I couldn't figure out how to keep the cane off the ground, hold it like a pencil, while still holding it away from my body.
Once I felt more comfortable with my placement of the cane the rest of the class was fun. It was really neat to be able to walk the hallway, and then immediately after observe Katie and David. Watching the movement of their hips, and noticing how certain auditory cues either helped them or threw them off course.
When I was walking the first time all I could think about was the wall. I could almost see a wall right in front of me. As soon as I pictured this I heard Micky comment on my rigid stance and apparent anxiety level. Once I relaxed, I seemed to be at the end of the hallway in no time. After the first attempt, and bumping the wall, I began to realize I could trust my cane. I think it was this trust that allowed me to walk at a moderate pace and reach the end of the hall without hitting any walls. There were times along the way that I would start to picture the wall again. When this happened I would think about where my cane was and how I was holding it and that seemed to help me.

The echolocation thing was really weird. It was like what I described when we were in Rovetta, as I got closer to the wall it literally felt 'darker'. It was like someone was slowing turning down the lights, and then I just knew which way I needed to turn to go back into the more open or 'lighted' area. I wish I could describe or explain how it happened, but it was really just a feeling, an instinctual idea I decided to trust. I hope I can continue to use this '6th sense' to avoid running into the wall.

Where am I?

My experience under blindfold today was, excuse the pun, 'eye opening'. When we went into the Rovetta building I thought it would be easy to keep my orientation. As we walked down there were a lot of changes in sound, but for the most part it seemed fairly simple. I felt like the hallway was sooooo long, we just kept going through a doorway and another doorway. I know there were probably only 3 or 4 doorways, but it felt more like 10+.
Something I noticed that was really weird was when we went into a more narrow part of the hallway, even through I could not see any light through my mind fold, I felt like it was getting 'darker'. Maybe this was just my brains interpretation of a diminished amount of sensory information.
When I was walking with Katie under sighted guide I felt safe, confident, and because of that I think I was not feeling the slight angled turns we made as the hallway curved. Even when we got to the bathroom at the end of the hall I felt like I knew exactly where I was and could get back easily. The way back was completely different!
So that you can see what was going on in my mind, here is what I felt like we did on the way to the bathroom:

When I went into the bathroom I lost all idea of where I was. I think it's because that bathroom had a weird doorway/entrance and you had to go in and turn before you got to the actual bathroom door. If the door had been right off the hallway I do not think I would have gotten turned around. Once I came back out of the bathroom area I was still pretty determined I knew how to get back. That's when I realized I was facing the completely wrong direction. I felt lost, and I kept trying to go over it in my mind. I remembered what Micky said, about when you are so sure of something you'd make the rest of the world change so that you would be right. I was sure those doors where were I pictured them. But I realized I needed to move on and not be stubborn, since there were 3 sighted people telling me the same thing.
So I started trailing. This was when I began to realize how much I had missed when walking down the hall with Katie. Before I was focused more on sounds and feeling things on the ground with my feet, I did not notice the curves in the hallway. I know Katie stopped and pointed this out to we a few times, but I really could not understand it just by feeling the turn in a wall. On the way back to the doors at frist I was excited to explore the area on my own. But the further I went the more confused I became because my original idea of where I was was totally wrong. I also did become a little hesitant after hitting my knee on something, and then catching a wall with my hand a few inches before my face would have hit it (of course I trust you guys would have stopped me). It was weird when I put my hand up, I don't really know why I did, and it wasn't a gradual lifting of my hand as I walked, it shot up in front of my face. I remember a few weeks ago in the Stone building when Micky was talking about 'face vision'. I didn't really experience it that day, but today, wow! It was like I wasn't even in control of my hand, on some on unknown level my body sensed it and I protected myself. It was really neat.

So going back to my first idea of the hallway and the route I took with Katie, here is was I felt my route was as I trailed my way back:

I felt like I was all over the place. There was one point when I swore I made a U-turn.


I am really thankful for this experience. Even though it was frustrating that I got lost I now know what that feels like. I was weird to be so sure you know where you need to go, just to find out you are completely wrong. I also liked getting to experience the same area once with a sighted guide, and again trailing on my own. I really see what Micky means about tuning out when you have a sighted guide. Also, after experiencing that trailing can be challenging (like running the back of your hand across a brick wall, ouch!) I am looking forward to using my cane and seeing how it can help me travel safer and with more confidence.

O+M out and about at FSU

I'm glad we got to get out of our usual environment in the Stone Building and explore a little bit. Last week, on Thursday when I observed David guiding Katie around Bellamy I learned a lot. I think for the first time I was observing a student who was in a completely unfamiliar environment. While I know Katie was still relying on her visual memory of basics like what stairs look like, it was still almost as if I was observing a real blind student.
I learned a lot of new techniques, such as asking the student to point back to the beginning of the route from different point along the route. I liked how the cardinal direction were used consistently, instead of saying turn left or right. I think this would help sustain a students orientation in a a new environment.
My favorite part of the lesson by far was what happened when we realized Katie was disoriented. When she tried to point at the front doors of Bellamy she was incorrect. Instead of just pointing her in the right direction, Micky had her put her back to the wall, and with out actually traveling the route, she described how she would get back to the front doors, and physically turned her body as she described the turns. When she was finished with her 'mental route' she was able to correctly point to the front doors. I liked this a lot because it gave Katie the opportunity to stop, re-evaluate her location and self correct, while we all got to observe the thought process that was taking place in her head.

Today when I was teaching I was trying to think back to what techniques I had observed in Bellamy. I definitely felt like I gave David way too much information at first. I do need to remember the age and skill level of my student, and know that he might not need all this excess environmental information. I tried the U-Path, but again my student is an independent adult who has experienced stairs probably thousands of times in his life. I am glad that I have these teaching opportunities to try out different strategies.
I was surprised that some of the things I mentioned and wrote in my notebook when I explored the building last week were irrelevant, and some things I did not make note of ended up being very important (for example the metal line in the floor).