Where am I?

I got really lost and could not get myself out of it for the first time today. I don't really understand why I did what I did. I think everything started to go wrong when I turned east up Park Ave and didn't even realize that I had turned. I have a cold and played soccer last night which made it worse, so I am assuming that is why I could not localize anything today. It's the strangest feeling; hearing the sound but not being able to tell where it's coming from and where it's going. I must have subconsciously noticed this difference because I was very needy and wanted to shoreline every where. I knew that I couldn't trust my hearing so other information took over. It was really hard to travel this way, since auditory cues are my self-assuring way to double check my orientation. I have heard kids at FSDB say this and now I feel like I had a glimpse of it. Today I felt even more blind. My vision was the same, but my other senses were not the same. This must be incredibally difficult for a person with a visual impairment. Not only are you not feeling well, but now it's even harder to get around safely and independently. While it was frustrating, I am very glad I had this experience. If something like that happens to one of my future students I will understand. And if I get turned around on my drop off I now know I have had some real problem solving experience. I was mad at myself thast Mickey had to help me, I really did want to do it on my own. However, I am glad Mickey stopped me when he did because I was getting to the point of not wanting to try anymore. I can't think of a way he could have done that any better. I have noticed with kids in my internship, and people in general, when the frustration level is too high their ability to be open to new ideas just shuts down. I was about 30 seconds away from shutting down.

Building confidence

I had a lot of experience problem solving in yesterday and today's class. Learning things like which way to turn when I am confused, how to reorient myself and how to put the pieces back together. One thing I have noticed about being outside is the abundance of information, especially from my cane. I am learning to trust it more, and beginning to understand how to differentiate several types of surfaces as I walk. This helps me when shore lining, finding the curb and stepping up to the edge of an intersection.

I really like my time under the blind fold. It can be very stressful and confusing, but when I am able to get though something, even with help, it makes me feel more confident and makes me want to keep going. I enjoy walking quickly down the sidewalks because I think when I slow down and start doubting myself I tend to veer more. I have begun to notice when my mind is focused on my cane tip instead of the end of the sidewalk, and how it causes errors. Sometimes I let a little stumble off the sidewalk ruin all the confidence I had built up. I need to stop letting minor errors get to me. I have also noticed that I veer more when I am unsure when crossing a street. If I cross and am confident then I know I have enough time and don't feel rushed. If I doubt myself then I rush and get off my straight line to the other sidewalk. The more streets we cross the better I feel about it, and I know after watching everyone else cross the street, Mickey is always a few feet away directing and traffic that comes near us.

I found Potbelly's...I think?

The second day for me felt better. I think I was able to shake off my anxiety from yesterday and just walk. Sometimes I felt the faster I walked the straighter I traveled. I remember this from indoor mobility, but it was harder to convince myself to keep going fast today when I felt like I might step off the curb at any moment. The wall on the east side of Macomb helped me. The wall was much easier to shoreline with than the grass and dirt. I was also able to walk faster because my cane didn't sick into the ground, instead it just bounced off, making me stutter and stumble less, giving me more confidence.
Intersection analysis can be really difficult when there are not many cars around! I now know I have to give it time and wait until I am sure of what is in front of me. It's a weird transition from walking swiftly and breezing by things, to having to stop and stand still and pay very close attention to all the details the intersection has to offer.
I am happy with how straight I was able to walk on my way down College to potbelly's; execpt for the minor turn into the brick post. I do use my hearing a lot, and I thought once we went outside I would loose this skill because every thing is so open and there is not much closed space for sound to bounce off of. So today when I was walking fast and straight I noticed I was using the sound of my 2 point touch to guide my path. If I could keep a consistant arc and hit the cane to the ground at about the same width every time, in my mind it made two imaginary lines for me to stay between. The best way I can describe it is like if you were walking down the middle of a railroad track and your cane hit the left rail and then the right rail as you walked, and you had no choice but to stay in between the two rails. This way I was able to make the sound my cane made on the ground guide me. I know this could get me into trouble when things are in my way, but thats when I like to step to the side with one foot and drag the other over. I don't know if I would have known to do this if I had not seen how Katie got turned around in the cemetery. When Mickey said if you move your feet you'll loose your orientation I realized that when I get lost I need to move in very straight purposeful grid-like patterns, so that I can go back if I make a mistake.
I got some good landmarks today, like the stairs and round garden in the park on Park Ave, the low hanging tree branches where the leaf went into my ear, and whatever that dirt mound was that tried to eat my cane. I think with more practice I will be able to connect these things to figure out where I am. It was really fun walking back to Potbelly's and getting there was very satisfying. I am excited to keep practicing this, and then eventually get there without knowing where I am when I start.

we're taking it to the streets yo

Walking outside today was a completely new experience. There were so many sounds, smells, and it was so hot! Going last had it's advantages. I got to see how easily you can get sucked into a drive way and end up walking into the middle of the road. Poor David! That was the first time I looked around and thought about the cars, I mean I knew they would be there posing a threat, but it wasn't until David was in the road and we had to kind of stand out into the road and hold our hands up so cars would stop, that I realized how important this new level of mobility is. Inside a student could walk into the wrong classroom, or at the very worst forget where a set of downward stairs are and fall. But I'm pretty sure as Mickey showed us in the Stone building with "Jill", falling down the stairs is way better than being hit by a car. Another really scary moment for me was when I took off my blindfold to see the huge oak tree that was sticking out by the corner of Bronough and Call. How could a blind person know that was there? And if it blocked their sound of an on coming car, and blocked the driver's view of the blind person, I dont' want to imagine how that might end. In a way this seriousness motivates me to pay attention, focus on my environment, and stay very aware of what I am doing. I have to make sure that it does push me to try harder, otherwise I think I might become too cautious and miss things.
Outside can be a lot more confusing than inside. Sidewalks end, streets shift over, sometime there are stop signs, somethings there are lights. I really noticed this with the median in Park Ave and how it sudden shifts to the south once Park reaches the cemetery. Mickey made the comment that the road moves because it was built after the cemetery, and they couldn't just move a really old cemetery. That has helped me make sence of things...not making sense. Buildings for the most part are built all at once, with one designer, and one set of blueprints. Sometimes buildings are re-modeled or additions are built, but these are still based on what was originally there. Outside things are completely different, especially in an area that has seen a lot of change over the years like downtown Tallahassee. Whoever built and designed the library had nothing to do with the office building next door. Because of this their driveways, enterances and other features are different. I'm sure these might serve as landmarks and ques later, but right now their inconsistency is confusing. We are used to nice long hallways, doors, and stairwells, that all fit together. Because of this the transition to outside might take me a few practices to really get used to.

Seeing Eye and New York

The Seeing Eye was amazing! I'm so glad I got the opportunity to see how everything works first hand. They were so nice and I learned a lot. Some of what we heard I already knew, but the hands on experiences were eye opening. I loved the walk we did where we got to watch a blind student with their dog. I got to see how their mobility is different when they are using a dog instead of a cane. I also thought their training program was incredible! When we saw what they called "intelligent disobedience" I was impressed. That was the moment I realized that these dogs are not just really well bred well mannered dogs that understand "left" and "right". That's when I began to understand just how intelligent a Seeing Eye dog is, that they really can go beyond what a cane can do and protect the blind person. I also really appreciated the way they kept mentioning that they are there to help our students, that the Seeing Eye and COMS should work together to do what is best for their clients. I might be under their spell right now, but as a COMS if I have older mature students who I think could handle having a Seeing Eye dog, I would strongly encourage it. The happiness and confidence that I saw in the three students who shared their stories was motivating. When I go to FSDB in a few weeks for their prom I have at least 1 student in mind who I think would be perfect for a Seeing Eye dog.

New York was wonderful! So much happening, so much to see, I never wanted to stop walking. I really enjoyed the subway museum. I learned things that day that I would have never gotten to experience in Tallahassee or most cities. China town was an experience, but now I have a really cool and kinda sketchy story to tell everyone! And a nice watch! I loved the city so much, I can't wait to go back. I think I'm starting to annoy my roommates because every other sentence I say it "Well, in New York there was this..." or "New York has that but it's bigger/better/more interesting..." I was sad to leave, but I am very excited to start our outdoor mobility. Hopefully my cane will be here soon!

The Big Reveal

Seeing my building on Thursday was really interesting. As much as we have done things under the blindfold before, like in making food in our daily living class or trying to read braille in our reading and writing class, nothing compared to this experience. It showed me for the first time the difference between what my concepts were and what really was there. In a way it almost bridged the gap between a blind student's perspective and concepts of their environment, and their teachers knowledge of what is really in the environment. It was like I knew just enough to get by and do what I needed to do, but when the blindfold came off I could understand so much more. Everything that Katie and Mickey had tried to tell me about the area finally made sense, and for the first time I could see with my own eyes the area that had given be trouble. It was also really weird just to see how different my images of Rovetta were. I knew where the stairs were, but thought a door separated us, I knew the hallway curved but never thought it just stopped and then stuck out in another direction, and I thought the hallways were more open and not so dark and depressing looking. It was as if my image of the hallway was very fuzzy, vague, and only based on what I physically experienced, the rest was filled in by my assumptions.

It was also really fun watching Katie and David see their buildings. I now know what I must have looked like in my building, marveling at what everyone else has seen several times. Katie had some on the same visual assumptions that I did, about color and shape of our areas. I agree Bellamy would be cool if it had green tiles on the walls. I particularly enjoyed watching my student, David's, reaction. It was really interesting to see what he pointed out, like the ugly '70s couches in the lounge, and the door that leads to nothing on the second floor of Dodd. I was glad he got to see the crazy courtyard and now believes me that there was no way to trail to the other doorway. As much fun as it was to watch Katie and David see their areas and make those visual connections to what they thought they knew, I have to realize I will never be able to do this with my students. They will always have their own idea of where we are and what is around us, and all I can do as a teacher is try to give them the best instruction possible and deal with problems as they arise.

This whole experience has helped me gain a better understanding of what it would be like to be a person traveling with a visual impairment. I will need to remember the assumptions that I made and try to help my future students avoid making them, or make sure I offer many opportunities for clarification and concept building. This experience was truly unique, and what I am taking away from it is an invaluable understanding of just how much you can miss when your vision is impaired.